Matilda and her Teddy Bear
by Quizilla x bAbE
Summary: Dean and Sam get a little sister when John brings home his baby, whose mother won t raise her. They quickly grow to love her. As she struggles through her teenage years, can her brothers guide and help her? Bad at titles & summaries. Dark stuff & family.
1. Bundle of Joy

**A/N: This story will jump around a little, but I`ll always tell you what their ages are so it doesn`t get confusing (the underlined names and numbers at the beginning are their ages). Most of it will be in third person, but I might include diary entries, which would have to be in first person. This is a sisterfic. I don`t know how other people feel about them, but I personally love them so I`m writing one. Hope you enjoy the story!**

Dean 12, Sam 8, Matilda 0

John had just finished explaining to the boys that they had a baby sister, and that her mother couldn`t take care of her. Dean barely spoke during the phone call. He didn`t want his dad to get mad, but he was definitely _not _happy about this. Sam, on the other hand, was too young to know or care where the baby came from, and he didn`t realize that they would be stuck with her everytime dad hunted. And now that Dean was so much older than he had been when Sam was a baby, he was sure he would have even more responibility for this kid. If that was possible.

"They`re home!" Sam exclaimed, sitting at the window.

"Don`t touch the salt, Sam. Dad will see it," Dean warned glumly. He hadn`t moved from his seat at the end of the bed since the phone call with their dad.

Dad walked in barely able to balance the little baby in his arms with all of the bags of stuff and the playpen. It looked used and smelled like smoke.

'Another thing to stink up the car,' Dean thought coldly.

"Dean, help out!" John barked when he saw his eldest sitting there watching him struggle. At his loud words the baby started to scream. "Ugh," he growled, "Sam, take her. Just lay her on the bed, don`t let her roll off."

Dean grabbed some bags from his dad and avoided even looking at the baby. He told himself he didn`t want to see her, but still it took every once of self control not to look. Sam struggled to hold her properly and get her to the bed while John dug out a bottle and formula.

An hour and a half later John had fed her, changed her twice, burped her, rocked her, he even tried singing, though very badly.

"Dean," John said, clearly loosing his last bit of patience, "Just take her, I`m going out for a little bit."

"Yes sir," Dean said. He reluctantly went and took the baby girl. But as soon as she was settled into his arms the screaming stopped. He looked at her for the first time and she looked back with big, blue-gray, curious eyes. Even when John slammed the door on his way out, she didn`t cry. Dean refused to let himself smile, but when she started flailing her arms and legs randomly and giggled, he instantly loved her just like he loved Sammy.

Sam came and looked over his shoulder at the baby. "Hey, you`re not too bad when you stop all that screaming," he said, smiling at his sister. He reached for her hand and she held his finger with much more strength than he thought she could possibly have. "Dean, why didn`t dad tell us her name?"

Dean snorted. "He probably hasn`t even realized that she needs one yet."

Sam thought about it for a moment and then dug a book out of his bag. He looked at the title. "We should name her Matilda," he said with a smile.

Dean knew how much Sam loved that book lately. Since he`d begged Dean to let him buy it he must`ve read it ten times, even though he was only eight. Dean liked the idea of naming her after something that made Sam so happy. He pitched to idea to their father when he got home. He was too drunk to care, but he agreed.

* * *

><p><span>Dean 16, Sam 12, Matilda 4<span>

Dean had just recently figured out that having a little sister who adored him was a great way to get every girl the room to flock around him. And he got to take Matilda out places, which she always loved. So it was a win-win.

"Hey Teddy Bear, where are we going?" Matilda asked as she skipped along. Dean laughed at the nickname, though he hoped she wouldn`t use it around any guys from school. He wasn`t sure why, but she`d always called him that. Actually, she wasn`t sure if she`d ever even said his real name.

Teddy Bear had been her first word. But when he tried to give her one, she would just throw it and keep demanding Teddy Bear until he picked her up and played with her. Sam`s name had taken her a long time to learn, but Dean enjoyed it. First she would say Pam, then Cam, Tam... Dean made fun of Sam constantly for these names, and if Sam ever hit him for it, Matilda would say in her most adorable whiney voice, "Pammy, don`t hurt Teddy Bear!"

"Bowling," he answered, adding extra excitement to her voice.

Matilda smiled broadly, "I`m gonna kick your butt!"

"Oh, we`ll see!" Dean said.

"Where`s Tammy?"

Dean chuckled. "Doing homework. He just knows you`ll beat him, so he chickened out."

"Oh," Matilda said, sounding like he had just told her something very serious.

When they got to the bowling alley Dean almost immediately had two girls his age hanging on him. And everytime he talked to Matilda, they seemed to eat it up. Until Matilda started asking question after question. The teenagers brushed off the first few, but eventually the girls decided they had to get home.

"Why do girls always touch you and stuff?" "How come Tammy never gets to come?" "Are they your wives?" "Why do you kiss big girls different than me?" "Why don`t we ever go places with your boy friends?" "Why do you drop me back with Tammy so you can have pr-pr-privcy?"

As soon as they got back to the motel, she launched all of these questions on Sam, who just laughed at a very frustrated and embarrassed Dean.

"I`m going to bed," Dean said in his newly deep voice. Sam just chuckled, but Matilda flew into his arms so fast that he was almost thrown off-balance.

"Night-night Teddy Bear! I love you!" she said in a sing-song voice.

"Love you too kid," Dean hugged her. He was much more comfortable showing affection to a girl who was so much younger than him than he ever was with Sam.

Dean went to bed and Matilda grabbed the book she was named after and jumped onto Sam`s bed. He rolled his eyes. The only word she knew was her own name, and she always asked what every word was. He played along for a little bit, but he was twelve and moody.

Finally he sighed and said, "You can`t read Matilda." As soon as he said it he knew his tone had been a little mean and sharp.

Her lip quivered and she was crying before he could say a word to comfort her. She climbed into bed with Dean and slid under the covers. He pulled her into a hug. Once Sam turned out the lights and went to bed, she heard Dean sleepily whisper to her, "Don`t worry, he`s just grumpy." "He`s mad at me." "No he`s not." She answered with a sniffle and hugged him around the neck. It seemed like it was within seconds that she was asleep.


	2. Things Go South

**A/N:**** This chapter will probably be where some not-so-happy parts of the story come in. The first age part is short because I didn`t really want to write much for it, but I figured it`s a big event so I have to at least write something. Keep reading!**

Dean 22, Sam 18, Matilda 10

Sam and John had just finished what was maybe their worst fight ever. Sam was storming out to go to college, and no one was following him! Matilda broke the stunned silence in the hotel room and ran outside. She grabbed onto Sam`s arm, trying to fight back tears. Dad said she needed to stop crying and acting like a baby, but this was the worst day of her short life.

"Sam! Please don`t leave! I`ll do your laundry! And clean your guns, and I`ll even go on hunts for you if Dad`ll let me!"

"I`m sorry Matilda. I have to go. I`ll call you."

He didn`t stop walking. Matilda was heartbroken as he got into his cheap car and drove away. She stood in the parking lot crying until Dean came out and got her, and even he almost had to drag her back inside.

Dean 23, Sam 19, Matilda 11

Matilda had always liked school until she got to middle school. Every middle school was the same. The girls were so mean and the boys just ignored her. Everyday when she got back to the motel, Dean noticed that her eyes were red and puffy from crying, but she wouldn`t even speak to him. She went straight into the bathroom and closed the door. She usually spent a good ten minutes in there, then came out and turned on the TV. If Dean tried to ask her about her day, or find out what was wrong, she just huffed and headed out for a walk. He could only get her to talk if it was about his day, or something neutral like cars, hunting, or music.

One night Matilda went to a dance. She didn`t want to, but a boy had asked her and she didn`t know how to say no. Dean and John were both totally against it, but somehow she managed to convince them. It was sort of boring, but ok. The boy was a little annoying. It seemed like he wanted to hold her hand every second of the dance. Until some of the girls started calling her fat, and saying that no one liked her. He sort of distanced himself to stay out of the drama. She hid in the bathroom until the end of the dance. She pulled the knife that her family had forced her to bring out of her purse. A couple of schools ago, she overheard some older girls talking about cutting themselves. She was so angry and upset, she wanted to take it out somehow. And she was wearing long sleeves, so no one would have to know. Half out of curiousity, she made a small cut on her wrist. She was amazed at how relieved she felt. She did it again and again. By the time she was done she had five cuts, each one deeper than the last. Then her phone rang and it was Dean.

"Hey, I`m outside," he said cheerily.

She rushed out and jumped in the car.

"Hey, Teddy Bear," she said happily.

Dean smiled more broadly than he had in a very long time, "You`re in a good mood. I guess things went well?"

She shrugged, smiling to herself. "Sorta."

Two days later Dean went out and Matilda was home watching TV. After flipping channels for half an hour, she found a movie about a bulimic girl. She`d never heard of bulimia but she was liking the idea. She could eat to keep Dean and her dad off of her case, but not get fat.

John was really drunk when he got home. Matilda quickly turned the TV and went to talk to him. This was rare, because his attitude usually made it obvious that he didn`t want her around. But she sometimes talked to him when he`d had too much to drink because that was the only time he was brutally honest with her. This was how she`d found out that her mother didn`t want her, so he had to take her. She found out that she would never be "like the boys" because Mary wasn`t her mother. And now she was going to find something else out.

"Hey Dad, am I fat?"

He laughed drunkenly and thought for a moment, "You _do_ have a lot of fat and no muscle." He laughed again and swayed on his way to the bed, barely making it there.

Matilda shrugged and made her way into the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and stuck her fingers down her throat. She gagged, but nothing came out. She kept on trying until she had nothing left in her stomach. She brushed her teeth and just as she walked out of the bathroom, Dean came in.

"You didn`t change yet?" he sounded surprised. She could smell alcohol on his breath, but he never got drunk like Dad did.

"I`m going to now." Matilda grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom and Dean got changed in the bedroom. She changed into comfy gym shorts and then realized her mistake, she`d brought in a t-shirt without even thinking about the cuts. She walked back out and went to her bag.

"What`s wrong with that shirt?" Dean asked. He was laying on the bed now, waiting for her so he could turn off the light.

"I just want one with long sleeves," she said slowly, trying not to seem nervous. She had never been good at lying to her family, and she`d never kept a real secret from her brothers. Maybe some silly childish ones, but this was something that would be a big deal if they ever found out.

"It`s hot in here," he sounded surprised.

She didn`t answer. Once she found a shirt in her bag, she went back into the bathroom and changed. As soon as she was in bed and they said goodnight, Dean turned the light next to the bed off. Matilda thought he was asleep, but she couldn`t stop thinking about everything that had happened that day. She couldn`t help it, she started sobbing. She tried to be quiet enough to not wake anyone, but she didn`t realize that Dean wasn`t asleep yet until he put an arm around her and pulled her to him.

"What`s wrong?" he whispered urgently. He was almost glad that this was happening now, when she couldn`t just leave and act like it was nothing. He waited for her to calm down a little bit and then said, "Tell me."

"No one likes me, and I`m fat, and ugly, and Sam left because he hates me, and-"

"Woah, come on Matilda, you know none of that`s true... don`t you?"

She let out another small sob and shook her head no, though he couldn`t see that in the dark. Dean turned the light back on.

"Let`s go for a drive."


	3. ChickFlick Moments

Dean 23, Sam 19, Matilda 11

Matilda put a pair of flips flops on and followed Dean out to the Impala. She was so nervous that she was shaking. What was he going to say? Should she tell him about anything or try to keep it from him? But she knew that she was horrible at lying to him, and if he kept asking she would eventually have to tell him. She sighed and dug her fingers into the still-healing cuts behind Dean`s back to try to calm down. She felt like no matter how rapidly she tried to blink them away, she couldn`t get the tears out of her eyes.

As soon as they got in the car Dean looked at her. The worry on his face was so obviously and it killed her. She didn`t want to make Dean worry. She sniffled and wiped at her eyes, trying to get herself together.

"Are you ok?" he asked quietly. She just shrugged and didn`t say anything. She didn`t know what she should tell him, because she really wasn`t ok, but she didn`t want to say so. Dean sighed and put the car in drive.

As they started driving down the road, Dean kept looking over at her. Matilda stared out the window and pretended she didn`t even notice that he was in the car with her.

"Hey, come on," Dean said, gently grabbing her arm to make her face him, "Talk to me."

Matilda turned toward him but wouldn`t meet his eyes. She looked down at her lap. "Everybody hates me," she mumbled.

"That`s not true! You have a family that loves you-" he was interrupted by her sarcastic "Sure they do."

"Of course we do," Dean said. He was shocked that she didn`t know how much they loved her. She was the baby of the family, and the only girl, so they all looked out for her.

"Dad doesn`t like me because I`m not Mary`s like you and Sam. And Sam never even called me after he left!" she yelled. She was crying again, even though she still tried not to.

"Dad loves you and Sam`s just being an idiot right now," Dean answered immediately. She just shook her head in disagreement and Dean was about to say something else when he saw a few drops of blood dripping onto her hand from her arm. "You`re bleeding."

"I`m fine," Matilda said nervously, but he was already pulling the car to the side of the road. She knew she was about to be caught and was tempted to just get out of the car and start running, but then Dean would know that she was hiding something. He gently pulled her hand toward him and pulled her sleeve up. She was terrified to see his reaction.

He looked stunned when he saw the first cut, then he rolled her sleeve up the rest of the way and saw all five cuts. He looked up at her face questionly and her guilt made it obvious.

"You did this to yourself?" She didn`t answer. "Why?" Again she didn`t answer. "Matilda! Tell me why you did this!" he said a little more forcefully than he had wanted to. She just bolted. She jumped out of the car and started running before she could even think about what she was doing.

Dean felt like he wanted to cry because of how much his sister must be hurting if she was doing this to herself. He didn`t take the time to mope though. Knowing what was out there, he coulding just let his sister take off unprotected. He got out the car and followed her. He didn`t try to catch up because he didn`t have a clue what he should say right now, but he just followed far behind to make sure that she was safe. He rubbed a hand over his face. How could he not know that it was this bad?

He followed her for a while until she finally sat down on a stump at the edge of a farmer`s field. He hesitated for a moment before walking over to his little sister. He noticed that her face was blotchy and wet with tears. He hugged her tight and told her it was ok until she calmed down.

"I`m sorry," she whispered, "I didn`t mean to make you worried or anything."

He smiled, "That`s alright, it`s my job to worry about you and Sammy anyway."

She just cuddled up against him. She was hoping that they could just let this go and not talk about it anymore. But of course, there was no way Dean was about to let that happen.

"I`m so sorry Matilda. I should have noticed that you were this upset," he told her while he still hugged her tightly.

"It`s not your fault."

He pulled away from hugging her to look her in the eye, "I don`t want you doing this to yourself anymore. Next time I want you to come talk to me, ok? Promise me."

Matilda struggled for a minute. Cutting really helped her feel better. She had never in her life broken a promise to Dean and she wasn`t about to start, so if she promised him, she would really have to stop. She wasn`t sure that she wanted to.

Dean looked at her and repeated himself, "Promise?"

She sighed and nodded, "Ok Teddy Bear, I promise."

He still smiled at the nickname everytime she said it. It didn`t seem to matter how big she got, she still never used his real name. He would have to kick Sam`s ass later for not calling her. And he decided to work extra hard to make sure that she knew how much everyone loved her, even if it meant he had to deal with a lot of 'chick-flick moments,' which he hated oh so much. But he knew that his baby sister was worth it.

**A/N: Sorry that this is kind of short after a period of no updates, but it`s better than nothing. :) Add to alert list if you haven`t already! Review if you liked it!**


	4. Life and Death

Matilda had been having a really hard time. She felt to guilty to talk to Dean about it. He had enough to worry about with hunting and basically acting as her father most of the time. Dean and her dad had left on a hunt two days ago. Matilda was feeling horrible even before they left. She couldn`t even believe that she could be in so much emotional pain and not just die or pass out from it. But today she`d began having thoughts that really scared her. She was suddenly constantly thinking either about cutting or about suicide. She`d barely eaten in the past two days (that way she didn`t have to make herself throw up) and she`d been researching suicide methods for the past three and a half hours. She didn`t want to use one of the guns or the knives because she knew Dean would never forgive himself for leaving them with her after he`d found out that she`d been cutting herself. So far she`d kept her promise to Dean, but lately the only thing that relieved some of her depression was cutting herself and she knew that if she had been cutting herself she probably wouldn`t be trying to figure out how to tie a noose at the moment. She screwed it up a few times, each time becoming more and more upset with herself for failing. She finally got it right and placed it on the bed in front of her. She got up and began looking for a secure place to hang it in the motel room that she and Dean shared.

She was interrupted when her phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and was shocked to see that Sam was calling her. She thought about it for a minute, unsure if she should pick up the phone or just follow through with her plan. But Dean had told her yesterday that the hunt probably wouldn`t be over for another few days, so she decided that she should talk to Sam for one last time.

"Hey Sam," she said. She noticed that since she`d decided to kill herself she was in a much more cheerful mood and she could definitely hear it in her own voice.

"Hey Matilda! I`m sorry I haven`t called you, I`ve just been busy getting settled in and everything. Dean sent me a text and told me that you were really upset that I hadn`t called."

"I`m fine. How is it at Stanford?"

"It`s great! I actually met a girl a couple of weeks ok and we`ve been dating."

The conversation went on for a little while before Sam laughed and told her that Dean had even threaten to come 'kick the shit' out of him for not calling her. Matilda told him that Dean had found out that she`d been cutting herself. Sam was amazed at how casually she said it.

"Oh my god! Matilda, you know that that`s a big deal, right? Are you ok?"

"I will be by tomorrow."

"What do you mean?"

Matilda never gave him a straight answer, just kept hinting at her plan to kill herself. She figured that as long as she kept Sam on the phone, he couldn`t call Dean or their dad, and she knew that Sam was too far away to make it to her in any less than five hours. What she didn`t realize was that Jessica was in the other room studying when Sam called. He tried not to let Matilda know, he put a finger to his lips to silence Jessica and took her phone. It immediately sent a text message to Dean.

_Its sam. I know that this sounds crazy but i think matilda is planning on committing suicide. i`ll try to keep her on the phone just get to her fast!_

In less than a minute the phone vibrated and he read _on my way._

He kept Matilda on the phone for forty minutes when he heard her gasp.

"They weren`t supposed to be home for days. What did you do Sam?" he could hear her starting to cry. "Why would you do this to me?"

"I just want you to be safe. It-"

"I HATE YOU!" and with that she hung up the phone. But not before Sam heard Dean breaking the door down.

The first thing Dean saw when he broke into the motel room was the noose laying on the bed. He had to hold his breath for a second so that he didn`t lose control. At that moment he wanted to start punching the walls and throwing the lamps. Instead he took a deep breath and continued to the bathroom.

"Matilda? Open the door!"

"NO!" she screamed.

Dean was so scared about how bad she was that he didn`t even ask twice. He broke the bathroom door down too. After a quick scan, he knew that Matilda was ok and only had a cell phone with her.

Dean was already kicking himself for leaving her alone when he knew that she was going through something. But his horror and despair came out as anger instead.

"I told you to talk to me when you were upset!" Matilda began shaking. She`d heard Dean use this tone with older boys and once with a monster who`d come after her. This tone always came just before he started throwing punches, and Dean had never used it before. Matilda didn`t realize that she`d been backing away from him in fear until she felt her back hit the bathroom wall.

The fear in his sister`s eyes broke Dean`s heart. Didn`t she know that he would never hurt her? From the way she was looking at him, obviously not. It looked like a child who knew she was about to get beaten. He relaxed and put his arms out to hug her. She hesitated for a moment before running into his arms. She buried her face in him for about ten minutes. Dean didn`t know it, but the only time that Matilda felt good was when she was spending time with Dean. She really believed with all of her heart that he was the only person in the world who loved her. She didn`t bother telling that to Dean because she knew that he would just argue and tell her that everyone loved her. But she knew that they really didn`t.

When she was finally ready to face the fact that there was a world outside of Dean, she looked up.

"D-d-does d-dad know?" she looked and sounded truly horrified.

Dean shook his head, "I told him that you were sick." Matilda felt relieved for a split second until Dean continued, "But I`m going to have to talk to him."

"What? Why?"

Dean sighed, "Matilda obviously you`re not ok to be alone right now and I can`t come up with a new lie every time there`s a hunt."

Matilda knew that he was right, but she hated it. Instead of answering she hugged Dean tightly and buried her face into his shoulder. Dean was an even better escape than cutting.


	5. Two Man Job

Dean hadn`t left Matilda for almost two days. She couldn`t seem to sleep, and Dean was afraid to sleep when she was still awake. There were too many weapons around the Winchesters at all times. If she decided to try to kill herself while Dean was sleeping, it would only take a minute to get a gun and do it. He felt physically sick every time he thought about it, but it was constantly in the back of his mind. He had decided to wait until Matilda was asleep to talk to their dad about it. That way he wouldn`t have to leave her alone to have the conversation. John called as Dean was lost in his thoughts, and Matilda was laying next to him with her face buried in his shirt, as she had been for most of the past two days.

"Dean, how`d Matilda doing?"

Matilda looked up at that, she could hear John`s slightly panicked voice through the phone and was shocked at the concern she could hear there. Dean rubbed her back and smiled, before getting up. He opened the curtains so he could keep an eye on Matilda from the balcony and walked outside with the phone.

"Dad, I think..." he hesitated, unsure of how his dad would react, "I think we need to stop hunting for a while."

"Why?" John`s panic grew. Dean wouldn`t suggest a break from hunting for a minor illness.

Dean sighed, "We need to talk when you get back, but I think Matilda needs one of us there and awake 24/7. I`ve been up with her for two days... might be a two man job."

"Dean, what the hell is going on?" John demanded, his fear quickly turning to anger.

"I... I found out that she`d been cutting herself about a week ago. She promised she wouldn`t do it again... I thought she`d be okay. Sam was the one who sent me the text. He called Matilda and thought she was..." Dean hadn`t said a word like 'suicidal' out loud, and he found it almost impossible to say. He hoped his dad couldn`t hear his voice crack as a few tears slid down his face, "Dad... she was going to kill herself."

He heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the phone, "Are you sure son?"

"Yes sir. There was a... a noose on the bed when I got here. I think Sam called her just in time."

Dean pretended not to hear the tears in John`s voice, and hoped his dad would return the favor. "I`ll be there in about an hour." John quickly hung up before his son could hear the sobs that escaped him.

Dean took a couple of breaths to regain his composure before walking back into the motel room. Matilda looked up at him with wide, scared eyes.

"What did you tell dad?"

"I just told him the truth Matilda... he`s not mad, he`s just worried about you."

Matilda shook her head, before burying her face in the pillow and crying. Dean sighed, and sat next to her on the bed. He didn`t know how to convince her that her family loved her. She didn`t believe it no matter how often he said it, and no matter how protective John was.

* * *

><p>When Matilda heard John pull up, she buried her face in the pillow and pretended to be asleep. He stormed in and started demanding to know if she`d said anything, if she`d eaten, how much she`d slept. Although he was in drill sergeant mode, the fear in his voice was so obvious that even Matilda couldn`t deny that he cared.<p>

"She just fell asleep. She won`t eat. I got her to have a slice of pizza, but I had to convince her to eat before every bite."

John`s heart broke at how upset and scared his son looked.

"Ok. I`ll stay with her for a while. Go to my room and get some sleep."

"Yes, sir." He glanced at Matilda one more time before he left.

John sat down on the second bed and looked at his 'sleeping' daughter.

"I`m so sorry Matilda," he mumbled, "I should`ve known... I shouldn`t have left you here alone. I`m so sorry." Matilda heard him quietly start to cry. She was in shock for a few minutes. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe he actually did care about her, even though she wasn`t Mary`s kid. She started to cry, mostly out of relief that her father cared about her.

"Daddy?" she whispered. John looked up, caught off guard for a moment. He wiped the tears away from his eyes and then forced a smile.

"I`m right here baby."

John hadn`t called her 'baby' in a long time. Matilda jumped into his arms and buried her face in his shoulder, "I thought you`d be mad."

John hugged her daughter tightly and started to rock her back and forth. "No, honey, I`m not mad. I just want to get you better. But that means that you need to talk to us and let us help. Can you do that?"

"I`ll try my best..."

John sighed in slight frustration. He`d been hoping for a 'yes,' but at least the answer he got wasn`t a 'no' or a 'fuck off.'


	6. John's Shift

John and Dean had been watching Matilda 24/7 for two weeks now. She didn`t seem to be feeling any better so there were no plans of stopping anytime soon. They`d stopped hunting though, so they both spent most of their days with her and took shifts during the night. Right now, it was John`s turn to watch her. He sat in a chair with a newspaper while she pretended to sleep. She`d been pretending to sleep a lot lately, trying to get whoever was watching her to leave. She admitted to Dean, when he asked, that she did that because she wanted to hurt herself and she couldn`t do it with them there. Dean whispered this to John when they changed "shifts" that night. Since then, John and Dean had both become experts at telling if she was asleep or if she was faking.

"Matilda," John said, his voice even deeper than usual with fatigue. When she didn`t answer, he continued, "I know that you`re not sleeping. If you`re feeling sad, you can talk to me."

Matilda didn`t say anything for a few minutes, but finally John heard her sniffle. She got out of bed and climbed into his lap. He hugged her tightly and planted a kiss on her head.

"Do you love me daddy?"

"Of course I love you baby." This had become a common question. John noticed that it was one she never asked Dean.

As always, despite his answer she buried her face in his shoulder and cried. She never noticed the silent tears streaming down John`s face when she had one of these nights. And then, most of the time, she would say something that killed him a little.

"Daddy?"

"Mmm hmm?"

"Can Dean come stay with me for a while?"

John took a deep breath, swallowed his emotions, and then said, "He`s sleeping. Do you want to go lay with him for a while?" He felt her nod. He stood up with her in his arms and grabbed his newspaper.


End file.
